(Also crossposted on https://medium.com/@whoaitsjoan/i-am-not-transmasculine-or-transfeminine-9fe0791afa95) I don’t like transmasculine and transfeminine being used as dividing lines for trans experience. I’m specifically talking to people who use transfem or transmasc almost exclusively to differentiate different kinds of trans people, as if it’s self vs. other with nothing in between. If you’re a butch trans woman (or just a butch trans like myself), nonbinary, agender, genderfluid, or any non-colonial expression of gender, you may have experienced some of this pressure yourself.
When I say I want to lose gracefully, I don’t mean that in terms of having a nice concession speech. (When I do concede in love, in life, I prefer to go kicking and screaming because I don’t want to go.) So when I say I want to lose gracefully, I want to find the perfect place to end up where I don’t have to keep getting hurt by all the loss in my life
I feel really proud of what I read at my last open mic, I intended it as a response to everyone who's told me that my trans body is "just provoking men". The title and framing of "This is Not Normal" was very inspired by an @InnuendoStudios video, good things inspire good things pic.twitter.com/uv4Df2fl0S — Joan fuck your civility Dark | BLM (@whoaitsjoan) August 15, 2018 “When you wear clothes like that, you look like a cheap girl.
View this post on Instagram A post shared by Joan Dark (they/them) (@whoaitsjoan) on Jun 26, 2018 at 6:23am PDT Gender is never neutral, To assume that someone’s gender is neutral or non-existant because it doesn’t exist between two rigid poles Of a gender binary is arrogant and selfish Even with those of us that do not have a gender, Our identities and how we show them Are a deliberate choice.
View this post on Instagram A post shared by Joan Dark (they/them) (@whoaitsjoan) on May 11, 2018 at 11:29am PDT Dinner for one in a rusty old diner Is there anything more American? Or more American-a when you throw in seemingly bottomless bowls of soup and glaring eyes that will make sure you have a good grip on the pepper spray you carry in your handbag.
View this post on Instagram A post shared by Joan Dark (they/them) (@whoaitsjoan) on Apr 4, 2018 at 9:36pm PDT After everything we’ve been through and all the pain we’ve caused each other, I don’t hate you. even if I have every right to. See, I learned how to be alone when you wouldn’t want to be seen with me or dream of what we could have been I couldn’t even hear from you, my anxiety wouldn’t let me live
I have so many mixed feelings about this day. To say that trans people only have one day or a week or a month to be visible undersells that we have always been here, and we have been fighting to be visible for a long time. Even before we had strict Western conceptions of gender, our ancestors have shown how fluid physical expression can really be. And visibility has also come at the loss of life for so many trans women of color, especially in the United States.
Need to breathe Sometimes I feel like I need to tell myself that so I can have a little bit of control over my body I don’t know if that’s true But I’ve told myself that enough times that I can believe it Need to breathe I used to hear that it was okay to tell people small lies If it was to protect their feelings It took me 15 years to realize that when it came to protecting my own feelings, I had already lost
I want to feel the wind against my face I want to feel the wind blowing against me, strong and unyielding I want to feel the wind as it pushes itself through my fingertips as I walk With the wind blowing so forcefully through my hands that it feels like I could clench my fist and hold it there And save it for a summer day When I feel like I need that strength
View this post on Instagram A post shared by Joan Dark (they/them) (@whoaitsjoan) on Apr 3, 2018 at 10:04pm PDT I dont always look at myself before I leave in the morning. Mostly because She saw something in the mirror that terrified her: her fathers face. Some days, Im in front of the mirror And I stare