Joan Dark

Poem: i don't hate you.

After everything we’ve been through and all the pain we’ve caused each other, I don’t hate you. even if I have every right to.

See, I learned how to be alone when you wouldn’t want to be seen with me or dream of what we could have been I couldn’t even hear from you, my anxiety wouldn’t let me live

I learned how not to trust when the only thing I got from trusting you were bad habits that have taken years to recover from And the years I took to stop feeling numb To overcome all of my self-doubts were all washed away

But I am no less guilty in the ways that I tried to push you and you had every right to push back push me to stop demanding your time as if I was entitled to it as if I could ever own something that is yours to give away

Calling me selfish made you sound bold and you loved to be able to take charge of a conversation We both came from broken homes and being able to get a word in was something that we both struggled with But you were always louder.

I don’t hate you. Mostly because I know I hurt you too I couldn’t see where my own problems ended and yours began so I chose to latch onto the only thing I knew was working Even if it wasn’t really working. I never got to call you حبيبي But we weren’t meant for that kind of life With us, it would have never been easy

We met at a time where we both had plenty of flaws And I am at peace with who I’ve become So لا إلها اللله Maybe we can learn to move on